In the last few months I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been doing and if I’m happy with where I am in my life. I would have to say that I don’t have many regrets. I’ve set goals and worked to achieve them, in some cases ‘to the bitter end.’
I’ve structured my life around my equestrian pursuits because no matter what I was doing in my life, it was my number one priority to be able to afford to do what I wanted with my horses. It meant sacrificing a more lucrative career, but I parlayed my overall efficiency into a nice niche in the accounting world and I’m well paid for what I do.
As far as the horses, I’ve had to overcome a lot of fear (mostly in my mind) in order to keep going towards my goal. I have horrible horse show nerves, and trailering my horses anywhere gives me great angst. How do I overcome this and do it anyway? I’m not sure, but I think the main reason is I see the fear as an impediment to my progress towards my goal, and if I let it stop me, then I lose. During show season I’m in a constant state of anxiety. I sometimes wonder how I am able to leave the house. The key is to recognize your fear and do it anyway.
I traveled three days from Washington to California by myself to participate in a couple of shows. I wasn’t that competitive, but it was important to me that I face my fear of long distance hauling and show my horses in a totally unfamiliar place. I was surprised how well I held up during the 2 ½ week adventure. I slept in the tack room of my 2-horse trailer. It is not a living quarter’s trailer, so I was roughing it, but everywhere I went there seemed to be a shower. I met a lot of nice people and had a fun time.
When I got back I felt like a changed person. Hauling to local shows still causes anxiety, but not as much. Horse show nerves just come with the territory so I doubt that will ever go away, but as time goes on I have increased confidence in my abilities which seems to take the edge off somewhat.
Facing my fears has really changed me. You take small steps and before you know it you have a solid foundation on which to stand and reach even higher. You see opportunities that you didn’t think were there. You can transform yourself in ways you never thought possible. It’s worth a little mental pain.
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